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09-Jun-2017 09:12

About a week prior, I had gotten an email from a twenty-something writer who had located me on Twitter. She had recently moved to Ann Arbor and was looking to meet new people; she also swore that if I searched her on Google, I would find nothing shady.Surely that’s what all stalkers say in their emails.(We’ll celebrate “Friendsgiving” later this week.)We make intentionality so uncool sometimes. Be as uncool as possible if that’s what it takes; ideally, your true, vulnerable self, with a heart desperate for the right kind of connection.We love to romanticize “organic” connections, “natural” relationships and friendships. Proximity friends from high school had dissipated, naturally; when you don’t have much in common, those bonds don’t remain.

I felt oddly hopeful, despite the peripheral ache I was trying to tune out, and decided that, yes, I would meet that random girl from the internet.A career won’t solidify if you don’t network with people who share similar passion and vision.And friendships won’t form with people who don’t reciprocate with effort and consistency. People filtered in and out of the crew for the next year or so, and finally settled into a group of 15 or 20 adults who genuinely enjoy spending time together.I joined my college’s new culinary publication and, again, didn’t seem to connect with anyone there. I tried hanging with a couple of “squads” full of great people who just didn’t feel like people. I needed distraction and mindless girl talk with someone who “got it.” Was meeting a Twitter stranger a desperate move? Getting that coffee with an internet stranger was the best random decision I’ve ever made. We went from coffee, to an event, to dinner later in the evening.Coming in hot off a breakup to that Wednesday coffee date, to be honest, I wasn’t sure I could take another blow. She told me about the long-distance saga with her ex-boyfriend. My heart hurt a little less than it had that morning.

I felt oddly hopeful, despite the peripheral ache I was trying to tune out, and decided that, yes, I would meet that random girl from the internet.

A career won’t solidify if you don’t network with people who share similar passion and vision.

And friendships won’t form with people who don’t reciprocate with effort and consistency. People filtered in and out of the crew for the next year or so, and finally settled into a group of 15 or 20 adults who genuinely enjoy spending time together.

I joined my college’s new culinary publication and, again, didn’t seem to connect with anyone there. I tried hanging with a couple of “squads” full of great people who just didn’t feel like people. I needed distraction and mindless girl talk with someone who “got it.” Was meeting a Twitter stranger a desperate move? Getting that coffee with an internet stranger was the best random decision I’ve ever made. We went from coffee, to an event, to dinner later in the evening.

Coming in hot off a breakup to that Wednesday coffee date, to be honest, I wasn’t sure I could take another blow. She told me about the long-distance saga with her ex-boyfriend. My heart hurt a little less than it had that morning.

For me, it started to sink in when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia at 19 and was basically homebound with symptoms for the next year or so. It was a vulnerability I hadn’t wanted to face for a long time. There’s no obvious way to meet different kinds of people outside work colleagues and your former school peers. You have to keep looking for those “clicks,” taking opportunities and making them, feeling slightly uncomfortable and lonely, even , throughout the entire process.